Sunday Evening Post

What an exhausting weekend! I think the first two days of school took more out of me than it did Ethan. Did you know that if I take my attention off of laundry and dishes they don’t get done by themselves? Hmmmm….

Let’s see. What did we do? I posted already about switching our furniture. That took a bit of time. Nathan worked yesterday morning and I was home with the kids by myself. I was tired and emotional and feeling homesick for my mom. At one point I was crying and Ethan took over planning with Audrey to make Mommy feel better. Audrey brought me her special teddy bear. I held that while I emptied the dishwasher. Then I lay down on the couch and they brought me all their stuffed animals and piled them on top of me. Audrey played some music on her guitar/fiddle toy and then she used her toy phone to call Grandma and told her to come home because “mom” needed her. I have the sweetest kids! We survived until 11:00 and I made lunch, cleaned everyone up and declared it a day when EVERYONE was going to take a nap. All 4 of us were in bed at 11:30 and we were all sleeping when Nathan got home. We stayed sleeping for over an hour after he got here.

We went out for Mexican that night and then I snuck out for a run to DQ with Marie later that evening.

This morning, I started the day with a 6 mile run before getting ready for church. I was able to get a little cat nap after lunch and then got caught up on dishes and laundry. These days Nathan and I count the hours and minutes until Isaac goes to bed for the night. He is so much work right now. He’s into everything and so quick to start wailing. We rejoiced when he went to bed tonight and I’ve spent the evening watching 19 Kids and Counting, blogging, and reading about different approaches to homeschooling. Nathan is out doing his 6 mile run. If he’s not back soon, I may  have to send out a search party 🙂

That’s all the news that’s fit to print.

Dreams

Last night I dreamed that my mom was still alive. Actually, I dreamed that she was dying. I think.

For some reason I was on the phone with the hospital and I found out that she was there.  I told my dad and we drove over and found her “room”. She was in a cabin on the hospital property. I only saw her from the back. I didn’t see her face, but I could tell that she was very sick. Her legs were tiny and she looked frail.

It was a strange and sad dream. Remembering it this morning makes me sad.

It reminds me that my mom’s death meant a sudden and brutal death to many dreams. There are so many things I miss.

The way things were when we all got together as a family
Having my mom excited about Ethan’s first day of Kindergarten
Sitting at my parent’s house and hearing about what God was doing in my mom’s and dad’s lives
The loss of the most dedicated prayer warrior I’ve ever known
Someone to call when I’m so tired I can’t think straight and just want to cry

I want one more conversation. I want to have the chance to ask her everything I didn’t get a chance to ask her and tell her all the things I should have said but didn’t.

Hard day

I’m so tired of feeling sick. Morning sickness and a horrible cold and sinus stuff if miserable. Feeling like this is so overwhelming and depressing. More than anything, I just want my mom to come and take care of me.

I miss her so much. I can’t even begin to tell you how much my heart aches. I’ve been sitting here crying for the last half hour. I keep thinking that I’ll run out of tears soon, but they keep coming.