It’s taking me a long time to get to writing this post. I experienced God in a very powerful way this last weekend and I’m not sure how to exactly put into words, but I feel very strongly that I need to tell you about it. Maybe it’s just to take a step in obedience for my own sake or maybe it’s because someone else needs to hear it.
I invited myself to join the women of Hope Community Church on their women’s retreat last weekend. I had talked with Mom about going last year, but for some reason, I decided not to go. I was nursing Audrey and it would have been a bit of a hassle. I saw the dates marked on the calendar when we were at Dad’s a couple of weeks ago. I believe it may be the last thing on the calendar on my mom’s handwriting. I decided to ask Vivian if it was still on and if I could go.
Half of the women at the retreat, I did not know personally. The other half I have known for most of my life. I wasn’t sure what to expect. If I had known what was planned, I probably wouldn’t have gone. The speaker for the retreat, Bobbi, stood in front of us on Friday night and said that the theme for the weekend was “Taste and See”. She said that to “taste” something meant to “try it out”. She wanted to introduce to us, the process of healing prayer. As soon as she said that, I started to cry.
The fact that I was crying isn’t that remarkable. From time to time, I have been known to be pretty emotional. But I had come to this weekend with a sense of expectancy. I was ready for something big to happen. I didn’t know how or what that meant or how the weekend would play into that, but I was ready for something. After Bobbi introduced the theme, the tears came for a couple of reasons. They came because I knew that I needed healing and they also came because it’s one thing I had been known to roll my eyes over or be fearful of when my mom talked about it. “Healing prayer” seemed sort of “out there” to me. I told myself that maybe it was too charismatic for my taste and that I could work through my stuff with God by myself. I am much more comfortable standing up and giving testimony of things that are in the past. I’m scared to death of saying out loud, “This is what I’m dealing with right now. This is where I’m failing”.
At the end of one of the sessions, Bobbi said that the women’s council had been praying for each of us in anticipation of this time. They specifically prayed that God would stir things up in our lives and bring things to the surface that we needed to address. As soon as she said that, a women near me started weeping. I knew how she felt. So many of us could see clearly how God was working preparing our hearts for this time. We broke up into small groups and our leader asked us if we wanted to share how God was working. Woman after woman shared an area where they were feeling they needed healing. Then the leader would pray for them and with them, praying truth straight from Scripture and encouraging the women to respond in prayer in whatever way the Lord was speaking to them. It included confessing sin and asking for forgiveness for specific things as well as admitting and saying out loud what things we were handing over to the Lord for him to work His healing and asking Him to redeem those past situations and to ask Him to help us believe the truth about our situations and ourselves.
A part of me still feels a little apprehensive of talking about this because I’m afraid that some of you will think that I’m weird. What if you’re skeptical about what I’m saying? There truly wasn’t anything mystical about it. It was powerful because it was God’s truth being poured over our wounds and it was done in community. God showed me that some times there are issues that He wants to work on with me while I’m with other believers and not just in my room by myself.
There were two specific areas that I felt like I needed to open up myself and tell the Lord that I was ready to give up my own control. It had to do with my choices as a mom and my relationships with my girl friends. Some of it had to do with past hurts and some of it had to do with my own poor choices. I’ll talk about that more later. For now, I just wanted to tell you that I “tried it out”. I took a taste. The Lord did a work in my heart and I know I’m not the same.
Ethan is 3! Well, he will be on the 24th…. late in the evening….
New haircuts today! It was a beautiful day and we have beautiful kids so I thought we should take some pictures. Nathan took the “flying” pictures. Didn’t they turn out great? We were perplexed as to why Ethan needed the big scoop shovel until he brought it over by the shed where we had found some snow under a bag of leaves. We always use that shovel for snow so he saw the snow and knew exactly what he was supposed to do. I love these kids!
Ethan is no longer sleeping in a toddler bed. He’s in a real twin bed! It seems so huge when I look at him sleeping in it. One of the advantages is that it has room for me to climb in and snuggle him! Since the toddler bed was no longer in use, guess what we did with it!? We moved it to Audrey’s room and she slept in it at bedtime and naptime last night and she’s there again tonight. It’s time to retire the crib. After 3 years, the crib is empty. It’s so sweet to see how much Audrey loves her bed! She had been climbing into it for a while when it was still in Ethan’s room. She would lay on it like she was going to take a nap. Now it’s hers for real naps!
I’m working on a post about my weekend at the Hope Community Church Women’s Retreat, but I have so much to say that it’s going to take a long time to get it all out!
I’m learning (or starting to, anyway) so many things right now. . .I have a lot on my heart so this will be random and I’ll post it on both sites. Sorry for the redundancy, but I’m not sure where to put it.I have an ugly tendency to get myself worked up about things that I have no control over. Most of it has to do with my expectations of other people. While it’s true that other people’s actions and decisions can hurt me, the fact is, that in most situations, I may be able to do nothing about it. And the best thing I can do it just work on my own attitude. I’ve been convicted lately, that, instead of being frustrated about other people’s choices in regards to their marriages, finances, and family relationships, I need to pray about my own life and work on these issues in my life.
I have had some very ugly “mommy” moments lately. Sometimes when Ethan refuses to obey, I completely lose my temper. This isn’t behavior that my parent’s taught me, it’s something I seem to have picked up on my own. I need to stop and I need your prayers and encouragement so that I can. We had a situation that just happened today at lunchtime and I really messed up.I didn’t know that being a mom would be so difficult. I didn’t know that I would feel so alone.
Audrey had her 18 month checkup today. It was a couple of weeks late! I thought she would get more shots today, but she’s all up to date so no “poking” (as Ethan calls it). She was 25 1/2 lbs and 31 inches. Right at the 50th percentile. Perfectly normal. She’s doing everything she should be doing and more.
The afternoon wasn’t fun. Ethan didn’t take a nap. He needed one so badly. He didn’t get an afternoon snack and he wasn’t allowed to play with us when we were outside. He had to stay buckled in the stroller. I need to find some sort of consequence that speaks to him. When we got home tonight, he ran away from Daddy when we were getting out of the car and he scratched his face on the pine tree. It’s was significant enough that it kept bleeding for a while. We laid him down early because he was so tired. Over an hour later and he still hadn’t gone to sleep. I’m so frustrated. It just makes me so angry that he wont listen and lay quietly. He’s just going to be more cranky tomorrow.
I’m so proud of my husband!
He worked all day sanding and painting Ethan’s room! Ethan was very excited when we got home.
Doing house projects with two toddlers is impossible– especially when we are working on one of their rooms. I didn’t have anyone who would have been able to take the kids all day so we took off last night and stayed at my dad’s. He had some appointments for work, but it worked out well. I just needed a place we could all be and where the kids could get naps. It worked well. It’s just a lot of organizing and shuffling people around anytime we need to get something done.
Nathan worked really hard. We have a lot working against us in trying to get this done- time constraints (only so many hours that the kids are able to be out of the way), our location which is 30 minutes one way from the nearest Menards or Home Depot and there aren’t a lot of resources in our little town, and the fact that Nathan has never done this kind of work on his own. It’s hard, messy and tedious!
Anyway, I’m thankful for the work that got done and proud of my husband.