*SWC= strong willed child. That would be the eldest child in our family.
We had an interesting conversation today. It happened in the middle of telling Ethan a consequence for a poor choice. He informed me that the consequence would not work and that it would not help him to make better decisions later.
The most depressing revelation about the discussion? He’s absolutely right. Unless he decides that it’s worth it, he wont do it. As a parent, I need to figure out what will make it worth it to him. “Because I said so and I’m the parent” works for compliant children, but not for a SWC. I didn’t get it before I had one. It really irks me (and honestly, sometimes throws me into a rage) that my child questions and balks at discipline. He doesn’t feel bad or sorry that he got in trouble. He’s just mad. And what am I supposed to do when I take away the one thing that really matters to him and he decides he is just stubborn enough to dig in his heels anyway? I’m left with no leverage and he still isn’t obeying.
You really have a dilemma. I understand exactly what you are saying because rewards or punishments don't work unless they are actually rewarding or punishing for that individual child. That was why corporal punishment was effective although not terribly humane. Once you eliminate whipping a kid with a switch (which I certainly don't condone, but which probably made even a strong willed child think twice before doing that again), you are left with a much trickier situation. Does punishment work better than rewards? What is rewarding enough for that child? what is punishing enough? I really wish I could help, but it is something you are left having to discover about your own child. I will pray earnestly that you come up with the answer. It may be just one thing — just one thing that is either punishing or rewarding enough to make a difference. I pray that you will discover that one thing soon.
Love,
Chris